Weorthscipe (wurth'-ship)
Reader's warning: unorganized, poorly thought-out, late-night ponderings commence below:
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In an earlier post I had agreed with my friend Danny that one teaching from the Bible with which I struggle is that of "caring for the poor" in my present (rich, Western) context. What does that look like for a 21st century American?
While I do indeed struggle with this, I've recently been stewing much more on another struggle of mine: worship. I struggle profoundly (and I mean profoundly) with worship. Lo! My etymologically pretentious title is revealed! Marvel, all you who witness my mastery of dictionary usage (i.e., Merriam-Webster's website).
Seriously, though, worship has been especially difficult for me lately, giving occasion for the following, somewhat random questions and musings that scratch this surface:
Emotional experience = worship ???
Put another way: Does true worship of God evoke an emotional experience for the worshipper? Must I feel an emotional connection, something in my heart, when I worship God?
I believe that the answer is an impractical "yes...with a 'but.'" First order, we must agree that an uplifting, emotional experience isn't ipso facto an encounter with God. However, shouldn't true worship be emotional? If one is to recognize (even in part) the greatness and majesty of God, to consider who He is, and respond in praise, surely one must experience some sort of emotion in concert with this praise.
In my experience, I very rarely get there at a church service. If a favorite hymn is sung, my odds are better, but in general, it is a very stale, "will this be over soon?" experience. My odds of feeling an emotional upwelling of praise to God seem to occur more frequently with "head" experiences: reading systematic theologies, apologetics, biblical commentaries, and other such nerd-ery.
We're all made differently, and for sure in God's kingdom there is great diversity. As such, I feel on the one hand that all is well and good. Still, I can't help but feel that I'm missing something.
"I'm not an emotional person"
I've heard this said before, and I've even said it myself. But is this really true? Are there any people who are rightly un-emotional? In our fallen world, perhaps. But is this God's intention for us? I think the real issues at stake are extroversion and introversion. For an introvert like myself, my emotions tend to stay inside, repressed or stifled at worst, moderated or monitored at best. Any fault here? Perhaps the extrovert displays their emotions during worship and the introvert does not. Still, the introvert should feel something, yes? Hence my feeling that I'm missing something.
Can I force an emotion?
Sounds scary, but can't I? I firmly believe that feelings can follow actions. I may not feel something, but if I do it anyway, I've much better chances of my feelings falling to to line with my actions than if I sit it out. Do I, then, go through the motions of worship at church, trying desperately to worship? Man alive! That sounds scary, but it sounds better than just checking out, no?
I can worship elsewhere, in my own way
This is another scary thought. Okay, so I don't connect at church. I can connect at other times in the week, right? Yes, but we're just a stone's throw away from "why go to church at all?" here, aren't we? I think the Bible is clear about the fact that God delights in corporate worship. Individual worship, while still blessing God's heart, cannot be all there is. The Bible does not understand and individualistic Christianity, and amidst the intense privatization of all things religious in America, we should certainly fight tooth-and-nail any Lone Ranger tendencies within and without.
Whose fault is it?
Mine for being such an over-analytical, cynical, introverted sinner? Or the church's, for doing a lousy job at structuring its service? I'm guessing maybe a 90-10 split there. Of course the church could do better, but my gut tells me that I'm the bigger issue.
Is God honored?
I remember once telling my father (who, go figure, struggles as I do with worship) that God is honored by us giving worship the old college try, even if we don't "feel it." In fact, I argued God is honored even more when we don't want to do something. If it's hard for us, our sacrifice to do what we know is right carries more weight. If I love to worship, if it's fun, uplifting and easy for me, God is honored, but maybe not as much as by one who struggles to get there.
I'm not sure I agree with myself on that one. I think God receives more glory by the one so transformed by Him that s/he revels in giving Him glory in corporate worship.
Does this post need to be longer, and fraught with more half-baked thoughts that I'm ashamed to attribute to myself? Perhaps, but my son will soon wake for a drink (Mom is at the Red Sox game tonight!), and I should ready the bottle.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
In an earlier post I had agreed with my friend Danny that one teaching from the Bible with which I struggle is that of "caring for the poor" in my present (rich, Western) context. What does that look like for a 21st century American?
While I do indeed struggle with this, I've recently been stewing much more on another struggle of mine: worship. I struggle profoundly (and I mean profoundly) with worship. Lo! My etymologically pretentious title is revealed! Marvel, all you who witness my mastery of dictionary usage (i.e., Merriam-Webster's website).
Seriously, though, worship has been especially difficult for me lately, giving occasion for the following, somewhat random questions and musings that scratch this surface:
Emotional experience = worship ???
Put another way: Does true worship of God evoke an emotional experience for the worshipper? Must I feel an emotional connection, something in my heart, when I worship God?
I believe that the answer is an impractical "yes...with a 'but.'" First order, we must agree that an uplifting, emotional experience isn't ipso facto an encounter with God. However, shouldn't true worship be emotional? If one is to recognize (even in part) the greatness and majesty of God, to consider who He is, and respond in praise, surely one must experience some sort of emotion in concert with this praise.
In my experience, I very rarely get there at a church service. If a favorite hymn is sung, my odds are better, but in general, it is a very stale, "will this be over soon?" experience. My odds of feeling an emotional upwelling of praise to God seem to occur more frequently with "head" experiences: reading systematic theologies, apologetics, biblical commentaries, and other such nerd-ery.
We're all made differently, and for sure in God's kingdom there is great diversity. As such, I feel on the one hand that all is well and good. Still, I can't help but feel that I'm missing something.
"I'm not an emotional person"
I've heard this said before, and I've even said it myself. But is this really true? Are there any people who are rightly un-emotional? In our fallen world, perhaps. But is this God's intention for us? I think the real issues at stake are extroversion and introversion. For an introvert like myself, my emotions tend to stay inside, repressed or stifled at worst, moderated or monitored at best. Any fault here? Perhaps the extrovert displays their emotions during worship and the introvert does not. Still, the introvert should feel something, yes? Hence my feeling that I'm missing something.
Can I force an emotion?
Sounds scary, but can't I? I firmly believe that feelings can follow actions. I may not feel something, but if I do it anyway, I've much better chances of my feelings falling to to line with my actions than if I sit it out. Do I, then, go through the motions of worship at church, trying desperately to worship? Man alive! That sounds scary, but it sounds better than just checking out, no?
I can worship elsewhere, in my own way
This is another scary thought. Okay, so I don't connect at church. I can connect at other times in the week, right? Yes, but we're just a stone's throw away from "why go to church at all?" here, aren't we? I think the Bible is clear about the fact that God delights in corporate worship. Individual worship, while still blessing God's heart, cannot be all there is. The Bible does not understand and individualistic Christianity, and amidst the intense privatization of all things religious in America, we should certainly fight tooth-and-nail any Lone Ranger tendencies within and without.
Whose fault is it?
Mine for being such an over-analytical, cynical, introverted sinner? Or the church's, for doing a lousy job at structuring its service? I'm guessing maybe a 90-10 split there. Of course the church could do better, but my gut tells me that I'm the bigger issue.
Is God honored?
I remember once telling my father (who, go figure, struggles as I do with worship) that God is honored by us giving worship the old college try, even if we don't "feel it." In fact, I argued God is honored even more when we don't want to do something. If it's hard for us, our sacrifice to do what we know is right carries more weight. If I love to worship, if it's fun, uplifting and easy for me, God is honored, but maybe not as much as by one who struggles to get there.
I'm not sure I agree with myself on that one. I think God receives more glory by the one so transformed by Him that s/he revels in giving Him glory in corporate worship.
Does this post need to be longer, and fraught with more half-baked thoughts that I'm ashamed to attribute to myself? Perhaps, but my son will soon wake for a drink (Mom is at the Red Sox game tonight!), and I should ready the bottle.
posted by bmarchio at 8:27 PM
2 Comments:
I'm not sure if I should be suprised that you and I both spend so much time thinking about this subject. On the one hand, most people wouldn't guess it, since we're nerds and all and are obstensibly concerned with more "theological" matters (oh, if ever a false dichotomy existed!). On the other hand, we spend too much time thinking about all sorts of stuff, so maybe it isn't too shocking. Anyway...
I'm with you on the "I can't help but feel that I'm missing something" thought when it comes to emotion in worship. Interestingly, I'm generally more moved emotionally during worship when I'm far less concerned with how I'm supposed to be feeling. When I'm concerned about it, I never feel anything. But when I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing- worshipping God- then I find I'm prone to more emotion.
Oh, and your thoughts on "I'm not an emotional person" are dead on. It's a lie. We all are. People like you and me just pretend not to be.
Your last section is something to think about. I think I think what you say you think, but maybe what you also think is something I should think.
Hi Guys! In the previous comment by Bmarchio i believe you are not really understanding what it means to be introvert and extrovert and that might explain your confusion over a reaction to 'worship'. We often think of intro/ extroversion in the way we respond rather than in our personality type. I am very introverted in that i NEED to have time alone - lots of it. Without it i get very drained and tired. And yet i can stand in front of 2, 3, 400 people and speak and 'perform'. As an introvert i have huge emotional responses to God in worship. Maybe the point is that some of us just don't like wearing our emotions on our sleeve infront of others. The other problem is that i feel many of us as, shall we say spiritual people, think worship is just about what we do when we gather together in corporate acts of word or music etc. I believe we were made for interaction with and relationship with God. There are times when we just connect with God in a way that makes everything stop as heart and soul and mind just go wow! Check out 2 Chronicles 5: 11-14: the Israelites were together 'doing their thing' in worship, when the house was filled with the cloud of the Lord and the priests could not continue with their service because of the glory of God. In other words everything just stopped because of the glory and presence of God as He and the people touched. Then real worship in spirit and in truth happened!i often find this happens out in the country side, in nature, watching something, sometimes in a quiet cathedral or listening to some music or a choir, when something so beautiful, so wonderful,something so 'other' touches the soul in marvel and wonder that everything stops and my heart and soul sing praise to God in words and music that cannot be described - real weorthscipe! When we reach this point, i believe, we can't help but respond emotionally to God but nobody should prescribe how that should be because, again i believe, that worshipping in spirit and in truth is an individual response even though we might facilitate that happening by the corporate acts of 'worship' in a church community. I feel saddened that we get so screwed up by what we perceive as the established norm. Many times Jesus said to the pharisees 'you've lost the plot guys in feeding your religion. Wake up to what being spiritual really is all about'.
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